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"I books kept feeling maybe it was my fault in some way," she says. "I kept thinking he must be saying these things for a reason." Physical violence was the ultimate way books in which Jim abused and isolated his wife. "My books friends knew it wasn't a happy marriage, but I couldn't tell anyone what was really going on. I was too embarrassed. And besides, I kept telling myself, it was off and on. Months would go by without him hitting me. What I found much more devastating was the mental and verbal abuse. That was constant. I used to write myself notes when things were real bad. Most of them just said, `Don't let this hurt you.' But it never stopped hurting." In many ways, Jim and Tillie's relationship could be a template for the older abuse-riddled marriage. According to counselors who deal with domestic violence, it is highly unusual for spousal abuse suddenly to manifest itself later in life.
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